Can it Absorb Your Blood?

My grandmother is a big supporter of buying things off of the television. 

So when she got too many ShamWows for one woman to handle, they got handed down to me.

I never once used them properly, or if i WAS using them properly, then that salesman was full of shit and his product was a Scam....Wow. (Ugh. i suck)

Last month he beat the shit out of a hooker who bit down on his tongue. 

Fucking hilarity.

When i got my first kiss on the bus home from the fair, from Casey whateverhisnamewas, I freaked out and bit his tongue, too. He had just finished drinking a carton of milk. It was pretty gross. 

Luckily, this was not Caseys reaction. I guess that could also have to do with the fact that I only gave him a stack of Power Rangers cards and not sex.

The hooker looks so stoked!